Love Me, Heal Me
by Mikinori
Summary: "As he watched the object of his affection walk away a pain ached his chest. It wasn't new. In fact, this feeling was so familiar and hurt the same amount every time. " Katsuki/Izuku, slight Ochaco/Katsuki and maybe Shoto/Izuku? Enjoy!


Maybe they weren't meant to be together. In this unforgiving world where loving someone could be considered wrong. If he had a choice in this particular instance, Izuku Midoriya would have chosen the easy route. Every moment of his life was a struggle.

As he watched the object of his affection walk away a pain ached his chest. It wasn't new. In fact, this feeling was so familiar and hurt the same amount every time.

After gathering his belongings, Izuku made his way out the classroom and gave a friendly smile to his peers as he exited the school.

"Midoriya wait up!" A cheerful feminine voice called. Stopping in his tracks, Izuku turned around and grinned. His best friend Ochaco Uraraka approached him and smiled.

"I didn't think you'd hear me" she giggled and grabbed his arm, "you've been quiet all day. Is there something wrong?"

' _Everything…'_ he thought, _'Everything is wrong'_

Instead, Izuku shook his head and gave the shorter brunette girl a reassuring pat on the head. "I'm fine. Just tired."

Ochaco wasn't convinced but didn't want to pry. She knew he wouldn't budge no matter how she attempted to reason with him. "Well.. today is finally the day I'm confessing to Bakugo!"

There is was again. That pain in his chest. It couldn't be helped.

He had known of her crush on Katsuki Bakugo for a while now. She would steal glances at the hostile boy and her face would turn many shades of red. It couldn't be helped. Izuku wasn't in any place to say anything. As much as he had affections for the ash-blond, red eyed boy his feelings would fall on deaf ears. Not to mention the ass-kickings he would receive.

"I left him a note and it seems he read it~" Ochaco tried her best to hide the excitement and nervousness in her voice but failed miserably.

"Only thing left to do now is to see if he'll show up by the cherry blossom tree… I hope he comes…"

Izuku gave the girl a pained smile and nodded in agreement. What more was there to say?

After reaching the school gates, she gave Izuku a hug before they departed. He gave her a thumbs up for good luck as she skipped away to the local park, where the unofficial "Confession Tree" was located. However, he couldn't bring himself to actually wish her well.

In fact, in the back of his mind he wanted her to give him a call that night and cry about how Bakugo never showed or turned her down harshly. That's when he knew he was a terrible friend.

* * *

Three months. Uraraka and Bakugo have been together three whole months and it was complete hell. The hand-holding, kissing, and sharing each other's lunch was almost unbearable for Izuku to handle. Whenever they sat down at their table for lunch, he'd find an excuse to leave. Being around them hurt. Iida Tenya, another close friend of his and the Class President noted the change in Izuku's behavior but nothing came of it. The green-haired teen refused to talk about his feelings honestly for the sake of being respectful.

In accordance to avoiding the happy couple during lunch hours, Izuku Midoriya had inadvertently avoided everyone and everything that used to take up his attention. After school he would train the best that he could but had fallen short these few months. No one recognized this new part of his personality and some didn't want to.

Today, of course, was no exception to Izuku Midoriya's new tradition of excusing himself from the lunch table. Or so he thought.

"Don't even think about packing your shit and leaving."

That voice. That damned voice cut through Izuku's melancholy demeanor like a knife.

"Uchaco-chan has been bugging me about you acting weird since I've been with her" Katsuki Bakugo sat down next to Izuku and sighed, "I could care less… but... let's drop this, alright?"

If only it was that easy. Once upon a time it was Izuku that wanted to get rid of hard feelings but considering the circumstances he definitely didn't want to patch things up. Not on Bakugo's terms. Instead of saying how he felt, Izuku stayed quiet which angered the blond boy very much.

"Are you even listening to me?!"

' _Yes… I heard you loud and clear..'_

"Deku, you never talk anymore! You're always by yourself these days, the fuck is up with that?!"

' _Not like that matters to you… you're only here because Ochaco told you to speak to me'_

"It's not like you… to be like this…" Bakugo's anger faltered and genuine concern was now his tone. "I'm worried about you… there are people that care about you… and… I do too…"

Tears welled up in Izuku's eyes. Since when did he matter to Kacchan? It was too good to be true wasn't it?

Puffy green-eyes looked into welcoming red ones. They hadn't spoken in a long time. Never had a heart to heart. All of the emotions that were bottled up had reached their limit.

"Listen…" Izuku started, "it's not my place to say this but—"

"Woah what's wrong?!" Ochaco exclaimed and pushed Bakugo away from Izuku. "Midoriya are you okay? Did Bakugo hurt you?"

It's as if she appeared out of thin air and had such terrible timing. Which isn't a surprise, really. First with the confession and now when he was going to let all of his feelings out. Maybe it was partially his fault as well. In the end, he had no one to blame but himself. After wiping his tears away, he shook his head. "No it's nothing like that… I haven't been honest with you guys lately.. Bakugo was just trying to talk to me and I told him how this hero business has been stressing me out…." he gave the girl a reassuring smile hoping that she bought the lie. Luckily for him, she did.

He kept his head down while the couple next to him nuzzled one another and kissed. Instead, devoting lunch to look through his Hero Compendium. Information that he hasn't updated since his depression overwhelmed him. The world around him kept going on but he felt so powerless. Despite being an apprentice of All Might, he felt the same as he did in the past. Quirkless- nothing of importance.

' _I wish I had a Quirk that made me not feel…'_ he thought and restlessly waited for the bell to indicate that lunch was over. This time he wouldn't leave early.

After what seemed like ages the bell rang and he sullenly looked at the happy couple before departing to class.

' _I just want to be happy with you too, Kacchan…'_ Izuku thought to himself and went on to get through the rest of the day.

* * *

Green eyes stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours. Maybe it was, he wasn't sure anymore. The world seemed to occur as if it were a blur these days. _'People like me… we don't get to be happy. Always being a shoulder to cry on, never having a shoulder for my own tears..'_

He rolled over and more tears fell. One after another staining the soft fabric underneath his head.

"No more crying…" Izuku said aloud. "No more…" A promise to himself. Albeit it was a weak one, it certainly was a start. _'I don't need love and most of all do not need Kaachan.'_

Did he truly believe that? No.

But after repeating those words to himself he started to feel like it actually held meaning. Well, it had to be that or the sleepiness finally taking hold. Regardless, Izuku wanted to be done with it.

* * *

As he walked through the eerily empty hallway, Izuku could feel his loneliness weighing him down. His legs dragged on as he continued on his way to the track field outside.

Things weren't getting better at all. In fact, they felt like they were getting worse. All of his peers were so happy. Enjoying and living their lives. It wasn't fair. Yet at the same time, Izuku knew more than anyone about how unfair life was.

After turning a corner in the hallway a hand grabbed his arm tightly, stopping him in his tracks.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, huh?"

The person gripped tighter and Izuku closed his eyes at the amount of force.

"Kacchan…" he said sullenly and opened his eyes to look down at his feet. It wasn't a mystery into who grabbed a hold of him. He recognized that voice instantly… and why was Bakugo being so forceful? What ever happened to burying the hatchet? "Please… let me go…"

"Like hell I will. I'm so sick and tired of you being a depressed punk!" He pulled Izuku towards him and then quickly pressed him against the wall.

"This isn't like you Deku… look at me…"

"No.. I don't want to…"

"Look at me!"

Hesitantly, his green eyes opened. Katsuki was very close. In fact, he could almost feel his breath. Izuku's face visibly reddened at their closeness. He wanted to be at this proximity to him all of the time. It was hard for him to contain his emotions at this point. He wanted to feel closer to Katsuki as much as possible and wanted him all to himself. As selfish as that was, he couldn't help but want to embrace his desires.

"I miss hearing your voice…" he caressed Izuku's warm cheeks which were now covered in tears. "I miss your nerd smile… every fucking worthless thing you ever said…"

"Kacchan what are you—"

Suddenly Itsuki's lips pressed onto his. At first very chaste and unsure. However, Izuku wasted no time in reciprocating. In fact, almost feverishly so. Their tongues danced together; desperate and wanting. Katsuki kissed lightly all over his neck and then bit forcefully, making him groan in pain and pleasure. He pressed his crotch against Izuku's and moved his hips in a grinding motion. As the friction picked up the pace, both teens breathing picked up as they moaned in unison.

Bliss. Pure bliss is what Izuku was feeling.

' _This is how it's supposed to be…'_ he thought, and sighed in content. Until guilt washed over him. Katsuki belonged to Ochaco and that's how it was. He accepted her confession for a reason. No matter how right this felt... it was wrong, too. Izuku suddenly stopped and gently pushed the other boy back. Katsuki looked at him with hurt, then confusion and finally anger.

"Kacchan—"

"Shut up!"

"No you shut up!"

"You're such a fucking idiot, Deku! Can't you just enjoy this, it's what you want, isn't it?!"

"No! Not like this…"

Bakugo placed his hands on Izuku's shoulders and shook him gently at first and then with urgency.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked as he was continuously shaken.

"It's time to wake up!"

"Huh?"

"Izuku, honey, it's time to wake up. You'll be late for school"

As the Katsuki in his dreams started to fade away, he opened to see his mother shaking him. That was… a dream?

"Izuku, sweetie, I tried waking you up like 20 minutes ago. Come on it's time to go—I'll arrange for a cab to get you to school but just this once." she gave him a kiss on the cheek and went on her way out the door.

He sat up and looked down at his hands. The uncomfortable feeling in his boxers made him fidget at the apparent arousal.

"Just a dream…" he reminded himself. "Just a dream…"

As he dressed gathered his school uniform together and went into the bathroom, Izuku looked at himself in the mirror and touched his neck softly. Even if he really wanted those kisses to be real, there wasn't any way that would be possible.

"Just a dream."

* * *

A/N: And that's all, everybody! It's been awhile since I've written but I think I'll be writing again. Let me know what you think and if you want more!


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